you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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