Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
