I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
