You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Everything about him screamed your future.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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