You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just had sex on a roof
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
