if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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