Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
