Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
