Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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