I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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