alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
