I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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