I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
