i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
