A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
