im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
