for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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