I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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