wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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