I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
