The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
These tits shall not be calmed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
