at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
