somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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