i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
