Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
