good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
