i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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