It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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