i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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