Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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