Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
