Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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