he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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