This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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