When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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