he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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