The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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