I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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