Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
