i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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