now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
