I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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