Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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