I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
