new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
