Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
