Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
