Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
