Where did you get a picture of my penis
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
