Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dick very happy bro
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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