You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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