he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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