I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dicks are not precious.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My life is pants optional.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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