I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
