I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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