One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize