just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
