my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize