Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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