i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
