How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
