it wasn't lemon gatorade
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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