If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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