pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
