I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize