My first STD was from a foam party
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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