how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
